Gemma spoke about grief and loss on Raising Teens  last year. Here she talks about how that experience has helped her to open up and seek support.

It seems in a world so digitalised we often lose sight of reality; words are said with little truth behind them and conversations go unspoken. 

Make (Good) Trouble has initiated that conversation; discussing topics that are so often pushed aside, avoided, or even feared. It was for that exact reason that I’m determined to speak about the avoided, feared or pushed aside as these are normalities that are made anomalies. Having understood the topics at hand to be discussed, I was initially reluctant in opening up about the state of beings that I am far too familiar with; grief, loneliness and social anxiety. These three states of being tend to be intertwined and when one is taking the limelight the other two tend to sneak up slowly behind. 

After losing my mum at the age of nine and entering the foster care system at 14, I think it’s fair to say that adapting to change is now a skill I am far too familiar with. Anyone who has experienced a loss at such an age would understand when I say, the years that soon follow on from this are the ones you wished them were around to see; the start of secondary school, prom, birthdays and just general adolescent changes. I suppose losing a parent at any age is the greatest loss one can ever experience and as I said in my Raising Teens interview, I know as life progresses, there’ll be times when my mum is the only person I wish to share these moments with. 

We’ve heard from some amazing teens on the latest series of #RaisingTeens. This is Gemma talking about her mum. You can catch up on all the episodes via https://t.co/RYvFHBTVZb pic.twitter.com/GPHFTWLTp3— Make (Good) Trouble (@makegoodnews) 8 January 2020

The labels and judgement associated with foster care and losing a parent previously led me to avoid all conversations about it completely. While socially I would laugh and joke the situation away, internally the feeling was completely different. Make (Good) Trouble has helped me to break out of that mindset, to speak more openly and expose my vulnerabilities. 

Now, seven years on from where it all started, I’ve realised that I speak about my experiences for no other satisfaction than my own. To show pride in my determination to achieve all that my heart desires in aid of my mum’s legacy, and for those that are reading this, I urge you to do the same. I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, a destined outcome is there for the taking if you’re willing to work hard enough for it and neither your past nor surroundings should determine the outcome of that. 

My message here is simple; communication is key. Often talking can be the initiating factor behind that new friendship you never saw coming, the factor that resolves that argument that you no longer remember how it started. And it can be the beginning of the process that eventually heals, in some way, the wounds you’ve long tried to hide away from. 

I want to thank the Make (Good) Trouble team for providing me with the platform to open up on and for allowing me to share my experiences with a purpose to allow others to do the same. 

Listen to Raising Teens: Grief

We asked teenagers to give us their thoughts on what International Women’s Day means to them…

Men everywhere should celebrate International Women’s Day

#EachForEqual

By Sammy Zottola, 16

International Women’s Day is almost upon us, It is a day for celebration as we celebrate women across the world and their contribution to humanity, both in the past and the present. Furthermore, International Women’s Day gives us an opportunity to highlight the efforts of those that patriarchal history has chosen to gloss over, like Rosalind Franklin, or Bessie Coleman. Remembering those in the past is important: it ensures women historically receive the credit they deserve, but International Women’s Day encompasses more than just the past, it encompasses the women of the future.

I know of many young men who would snub International Women’s Day as something not based around them, and therefore not being worth their time. This selfish outlook is why we still live in a patriarchal society today. Only by working together can we achieve true equality; it takes the masses to tear down the outdated establishment. So, what are we to do? What are young men everywhere to do? Take the spotlight and talk for these women? No, now is not the time to be taking the spotlight, now is not the time to be talking for people, now is the time to support young women, the sisters, friends, classmates, colleagues, and girlfriends in our lives, in their endeavour to take the spotlight for themselves, and speak for themselves.

Men everywhere should celebrate International Women’s Day, not in spite of the fact it isn’t centred around them, but because of it. They should celebrate it as a day of equality, a day of respect, a day where women, past and present, are celebrated for their past successes, and their future successes.

I’m an aspiring voice actor; I’ve been influenced and inspired by the voices I’ve grown up hearing, in television, film, and games, such as Laura Bailey and Tara Strong. This International Women’s Day take some time to consider the women that have helped you discover your interests and have paved the way in your field.

Happy International Women’s Day.

We asked teenagers to give us their thoughts on what International Women’s Day means to them…

How can we support and nurture our future young teenage women?

#EachforEqual

By Kaia Allen-Bevan, 17

On the 8th of March, the first international women’s day of this decade will take place. It will be the 106th celebration since 1914, when the first European Women’s Day was announced. Even though we should celebrate women on a daily basis, this annual declaration is important. Those living today can reflect upon the past, acknowledge the present and ponder upon the future, and how women are an important piece to society’s grand, confusing and often chaotic puzzle. 

This year’s theme is #EachforEqual, so if you see images of women (and men) on social media posing with their arms in an ‘equals’ sign, it correlates back to this global celebration. It allows participants to know that “An equal world is an enabled world” and that, “Individually, we’re all responsible for our own thoughts and actions – all day, every day. We can actively choose to challenge stereotypes, fight bias, broaden perceptions, improve situations and celebrate women’s achievements.” (from internationalwomensday.com).

As a biracial feminist, and coming from a beautiful black mother, I know that this world is not equal, neither is it meritocratic. As I am darker than my counterparts, there are many mountains I have no choice but to embrace. However, these difficulties in my life can be transformed into something, not just beneficial to me, but for those around me. I recognize that I’ve descended from many strong, resilient black women and men who sacrificed their lives to build the foundations for my generation, for those before and for those to come. Even if I can’t hear all their stories today, I know that their altruism has allowed me to access avenues they couldn’t and, before leaving this earth, have given me talents that I should utilize. Their voices – that were shushed by injustice (which sadly is as prevalent today) – have given me the motivation to uplift people around me through sharing their stories on a blog I made back in June. I hope that this platform gives a new-born confidence that individuals never thought they had and allows people to reclaim their voices in a society that compacts them and allows them to stand in their truth (if you wish to read some of these stories, here’s the link). #Thetruthwillsetyoufree.

Despite my journey being difficult, women who are darker than me will suffer more so, and those who are lighter will sew the riches society has planted for them, whether these women are aware of this or not. This deeply engrained discrimination exceeds the boundaries of individuals and their actions and lies within institutions and legislation around the globe. Even within feminism, a movement in place to liberate women, it seems to be that black women in particular are left behind, isolated in the shadows and overlooked in celebration. 

Black women are taught to literally polarize their existence. As soon as they are released from their mother’s womb, they are cuffed in Western ideals that their melanin rich skin can’t help but fail to meet. With over 75% of Nigerian women, 59% of Togonian women and 35% of South African women using bleaching products to lighten their skin – but this is not exclusive to just Africa. Even if their wider noses inhale the same air, they are denied the basics of humanity.

But that’s not to say that their beauty isn’t seen. Modern day society demonstrates an overt cultural appropriation, where non-black women display black culture, traditions and physicality, yet, black bodies are framed in an ‘ugly’ picture. The builders of economies have been denied their pay, and their works have been stolen and rewritten in history; the scales have never been balanced. Black women are constantly running a race they are pre-destined to lose. Traumatized and ruled by their psychological “slave mentality”, the weight of unworthiness is bared in a ‘better world’, even if Abraham Lincoln seemingly ‘unshackled’ these chains in 1863. Their royalty is lost in a long-distant land, alongside our primal knowledge of everyone’s first ancestor-who, by the way, was black. 

But we don’t want a fairytale; we need a reality. 

If we want #EachforEqual to be true, then each one of us must devote our best interests to be antiracist. To be pro-black doesn’t mean anti-white. It’s fluid, inviting all races, genders, sexualities, classes – in fact, all differences to adopt this fundamental attitude. #AllLivesMatter.

This should occur because they are human, for they finally deserve to be treated likewise. We shouldn’t objectify people because of their race, but rather just notice that they look different and, therefore, conclude that their resulting experience is different. It’s realizing the color of their skin but becoming independent of it; that they walk the same earth but are refused all its luxuries. They are not their stereotype (which shouldn’t exist in the first place).

You may not be able to influence big bourgeois and their organizations, but you can change the views of individuals around you. It takes a village to raise a child, and the more children engaged, the bigger the change. This doesn’t require fancy words…it only requires you, your imperfect, perfect self. If we want a future generation of bold, courageous women, then we must include all women. But this act shouldn’t be done for your own interests, neither should this be done because they are a minority – they are not a token for you to manipulate for your own advantage. It should be done for the advancement of ALL women.

Do not be afraid to embrace the more complex side of equality, for once that is pursued, it allows walls to be broken and paths to be paved to create a better society. May 2020 be the year to commemorate the changes already marked in history, but also be the decade to tick the boxes left untouched. 

We were chuffed to bits to hear that Raising Teens guest Ceri Walker spoke at the House of Commons earlier this month about deciding to “say yes to everything” and making it her mission to “be the voice of children of alcoholics”. Part of that meant that she said yes to us when we asked her to come on our BBC Sussex programme and talk about being the child of an alcoholic, something she mentions in this inspiring clip of her speech in the House.

Ceri helps to promote the amazing work that NACOA does to give support and a voice to children of alcoholics.

Listen to Ceri on Raising Teens: Teens, Parents & Booze on BBC Sounds

You can support Ceri and NACOA on social media

on Twitter:

@dreamingofeden_
@NacoaUK

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@NacoaUK
@dreamingofedenbtn

And Facebook

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