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It is estimated that more than one in five girls self-harm in the UK. One parent details the journey from the realisation that her teen was self-harming, through the maze of bureaucracy to try and get help. 

We will follow mum and daughter’s story over the next few weeks. Links to organisations that can offer help and support are listed at the bottom of this post.

Chapter One. “Mum, I cut myself”

I will never forget that day. My daughter came into the room and said, “I’ve cut myself”. “Oh,” I replied, “how did that happen?” She looked at me and paused and said again more slowly. “I cut myself”.

Normally my daughter, who is 12, looks much older than her years but at that moment in time she looked like a young child again. Her face was such a mixture of confused emotions; pleading for help, plus embarrassment and perhaps shame mixed in as well. I remember that moment so clearly. It was like when you watch films and they freeze the frame.

Reality kicked in and I went into practical mode. I remember telling her not to worry and that we could clean it up. It was a large cut on her arm. Much later I found out she’d done it with a pair of kitchen scissors. We talked about why she’d done it and she started to cry. “I don’t know” she said and became even more upset.

I tried to reassure her and told her everything was fine, and I just sat hugging her whilst she wept.

I look back at that moment in hindsight and realise I am lucky. Obviously, I wish my daughter didn’t feel the need to harm herself. But I have discovered that so many parents find out much further down the line or worse, that many children self harm without telling anyone or feeling able to ask for help. I feel lucky that my daughter could let me know what she had done.

Later that night I cried and cried. I spent the whole night worrying and asking myself questions. Why had she done it? Was this all my fault? Why did she feel the need to hurt herself rather than come and talk to me? Was this a one off? Was this an attempt to kill herself? Would she try and cut herself again that night? What was going through her mind when she was cutting herself? What had happened to her to make her want to hurt herself in that way?  Should I have contacted someone for help? Who do you contact for help? Would other people blame me?

As a parent I had always felt that I could solve my children’s problems. This was the first time that I felt helpless and didn’t know how to help her. We both needed help.

Read more from our blogger mum’s story:

 

Where to get help and advice

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Hello! Here’s a quick Brighton5 Crowdfunder update and some really useful links to organisations that have helped us along the way this week.

We have raised £4,250 of our target in our first week, which is hugely encouraging! We’ve been busy ticking off things on our ever-growing lists – I have post-it-notes everywhere! So far this week, we’ve edited a new blog that will be up on makegoodtrouble.co.uk from Friday this week. It’s from a parent of a self-harming teen and follows her journey from the realisation that her teen is cutting herself to getting through the maze of bureaucracy to try and get help. It’s a heart-breaking read but our anonymous contributor wants to get the message out there to anyone in the same position that they’re not alone.

We are also about to update our Crowdfunder with a new 2-minute video talking about what it’s like to be a worried parent and why Brighton5 is going to make a difference. If you haven’t yet, please visit our page and donate! Every penny makes a difference, and we want to encourage everyone to give as little as £1. Go on, tick it off your to-do list and pledge today!

In what feels slightly awkward (and so un-British!), we have been tapping into every contact we can think of for advice and to ask folk to help promote Brighton5. And hurray! Our efforts have been rewarded…

The Do Lectures featured us in their wonderful weekly newsletter– if you don’t know them, they’ve built a brand around inspiring people to “Do amazing things”. They hold workshops and talks as well as produce gorgeous books on everything from storytelling and business advice to growing veg and making jam! After featuring in their newsletter, we’ve had people contact us from all over the country offering to help, as well as tweets from people in their network.

We were overwhelmed to get an email from Shirley Conran, OBE (yes, *the* Shirley Conran!) who sent us a fabulously long email full of really useful advice on how to grow Brighton5 and who can help us along the way. She is a real inspiration to us and she’s still working hard to help people who suffer from maths anxiety – which particularly affects girls and women. Her Maths Anxiety Trust website contains a wealth of useful information for students, parents and teachers.

We also had an email from Justine Roddick – her mum, Anita Roddick, started The Body Shop many moons ago in Brighton’s North Street and Brighton5 founder Daisy met Justine when she worked at their head office as a graphic designer – Daisy’s first job after college! Justine is now living in the USA and is working with charities support help teens with empowerment and sexual health. She has linked us up with people in the UK who might be able to help us.

And next week? That’s for our Monday meeting where we’ll have a quick group hug and then it’s out with the post-it-notes…

Brighton5 teens on Brighton beach

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We want to send a great big thank you to everyone who has supported the Brighton5 Crowdfunder to raise vital funds for Brighton5’s next project, which is to work with teens and local schools and colleges to tackle mental health issues. We’d also like to pick your brains!

Launching a Crowdfunder has been a huge learning curve! It sometimes feels like we’re looking after a newborn baby – one that needs feeding every couple of hours! Our team is all hands on deck updating, posting to social media and contacting everyone we know, and everyone they know! We’ve even had a tweet from Alan Carr!

Our biggest challenge is to get the word out to as many people in Brighton & Hove as possible. And whilst our priority is to raise the funds for the project, we also want to spread the word about what we’re doing and why it’s so important. So here’s our question: how can we get our message out to an even wider group of people? We want to reach parents who feel that they need help as well as teachers and teens. If just 10% of people in Brighton & Hove donate £1, we’ll have reached our target! Please get in touch or leave a comment and help us to get this project funded. Thank you!

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Brighton5 crowdfunder

Hello friends! We’ve just launched our Brighton5 crowdfunder which has it’s official launch on Wednesday 10th October on World Mental Health Day.

We want to get as many people involved in our Crowdfunder as possible and with that in mind, we’re campaigning for people to donate anything from £1 (hopefully more!) to the fund, and to pass it on – to recommend every friend and colleague donate too – to give #1forBrighton5! With 300,000 people in Brighton & Hove, we could reach our target if just 10% of residents donate £1! That would be an amazing feat, and also spread the word about our amazing project and our amazing teens.

So now it’s over to you. Please donate, share the link and tell everyone about Brighton5 – on Facebook, on Twitter, Instagram, on the bus, at the school gates, at work… you get the picture! A huge thanks to you all.

Love from the Brighton5 team x