Parents

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Parenting teenagers can feel like you’re constantly firefighting – school anxiety, exam stress, messy bedrooms, emotional blow-ups – we want to say this clearly:

You’re not failing. This stage really is tough.

At Make (Good) Trouble, one thing we hear again and again from parents is:
“I don’t know what’s normal anymore, and I don’t know if I’m handling this right.”

You’re not alone in that feeling.

In this Q&A, Daisy Cresswell spoke with psychotherapist Donna Peters-Lamb about young people’s mental health, parenting teenagers – and what genuinely helps families day to day. Here are the most useful takeaways

When school feels like too much

For many families, anxiety shows up as the Monday morning battle – tears, shutdown, refusal, or a child who simply can’t get out of the door.

One reassuring truth: anxiety rarely comes out of nowhere. It builds quietly over time and is often a response to feeling overwhelmed or unsafe.

What helps (without making it worse)

Get curious, not alarmed
Instead of focusing only on “school is the problem”, try gently exploring:

  • When did this start?
  • What feels hardest?
  • When does school feel even a little bit easier?

Sometimes the clue to moving forward is hidden in the detail.

Bring school in early
You don’t need to wait for things to fall apart. A discreet conversation with a tutor or Head of Year can help you understand what’s really going on – friendships, learning pressure, or moments where your child is coping better than you realise.

Prepare before pressure hits
Anxious brains hate uncertainty. Simple preparation can make a big difference:

  • Pack school bags on Friday
  • Check homework earlier in the weekend
  • Talk through the week ahead

Less last-minute stress = calmer mornings.

Tools that actually calm anxiety

Anxiety lives in the body, not just in thoughts. These tools help switch off the stress response – and teenagers (and parents) can use them anywhere.

Breathing (simple and invisible)

  • 3–4–5 breathing: in for 3, hold for 4, out for 5
  • Or any breathing where the out-breath is longer than the in-breath

This tells the nervous system it’s safe to calm down.

Grounding

Encourage your teen to:

  • Feel their feet flat on the floor
  • Notice colours, sounds, or objects around them
  • Focus attention outward instead of inward

These techniques are subtle, practical, and effective anywhere – in classrooms, 

“They don’t listen to me”: Mess, conflict and power struggles

If you’re endlessly asking for dirty washing, mugs and plates from their room – and getting nowhere – you’re not alone.

A helpful reframe: this is rarely about disrespect. Teenagers genuinely don’t notice mess in the way adults do.

What helps families move forward

Say it once – properly
Instead of repeatedly asking the same question over and over again, have one calm conversation about:

  • What matters to you
  • What you expect
  • What will happen if it doesn’t change

Start small
Ask for one thing at a time:

  • This week: dirty clothes in the basket
  • Next step: cups and bowls returned

Small steps are more achievable – and more likely to stick.

Consequences, not punishments
Be clear and upfront:

“If this doesn’t happen, this is what will follow. I don’t want that – but it’s your choice.”

This removes power struggles and reduces emotional blow-ups.

Exam stress and the harsh inner critic

Even when exams are over, many young people stay stuck in worry – replaying papers and assuming the worst.

Psychotherapist Donna Peters-Lamb shared a powerful idea from psychologist Martin Seligman, known as the Three Ps.

When stressed, young people often make worries:

  • Personal: “This proves I’m a failure”
  • Pervasive: “I mess everything up”
  • Permanent: “I’ll always be like this”

📚 Read this: Learned Optimism: How to change your mind and your life by Martin Seligman

How parents can help

Rather than jumping in with “You’ll be fine”, try gently challenging certainty:

  • “You don’t actually know that yet.”
  • “That’s a thought, not a fact.”
  • “Even if this didn’t go how you hoped, there are other paths.”

This isn’t fake positivity. It’s helping young people build flexible thinking – a key life skill.

A few things to remember about parenting teenagers

  • Teen brains are still under construction
  • Behaviour is often communication
  • Anxiety needs calming, not fixing
  • Routines, sleep and connection matter more than lectures
  • Your stress level affects your child more than you realise

And most importantly:

Be kind to yourself.
Parenting teenagers is one of the hardest, most emotionally demanding jobs there is – and you don’t have to do it perfectly to do it well.

At Make Good Trouble, we exist to support parents and carers too. You don’t have to hold all of this on your own.

Want support that feels human?

If this resonates, you might find it helpful to:

  • Sign up for our Raising Teens workshop pilot
  • Follow us for practical tools and honest conversations
  • Share this post with another parent who might need it

💛 You’re not alone. And you’re doing better than you think.

Huge thanks to Donna for her time and invaluable advice. You can find out more about her work at Make Sense Psychotherapy. This programme was supported by the Sussex Care Partnership, Brighton & Hove City Council.

Watch the whole conversation here:

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2024 kicks off with a brand-new series of Raising Teens on BBC Radio Sussex and Surrey, every Friday at 7pm from January 5, or you can catch up any time on BBC Sounds. 

This fifth series covers access to mental health services, supporting adolescent trauma, eating disorders, neurodiversity, and support in schools.

We know that many teenagers are struggling to access mental health services. In England, average waiting lists have risen by two-thirds in the last two years (The Guardian). Over half of those on a waiting list said that their mental health had deteriorated while they waited for support (Young Minds). The pandemic and cost of living crisis have both had an impact on what was already a growing crisis affecting young people. 

Many young people with neurodivergent conditions like ADHD and autism, also have long waits to get a diagnosis, let alone help. 

🎧 Listen to Episode 1: Getting Mental Health Support on BBC Sounds.

In this episode new series host, Clare Cowan, discusses how parents & carers can navigate the system to find the right services and resources for their child. Make (Good) Trouble’s Lola Ray has also talked to young people about the kinds of support they need and what they’ve done to find support. 

Our guests for episode 1 are:

  • Lisa Witherden from YMCA DownsLink Group, Head of wellbeing and therapeutic services
  • Mark Cox, Accident & Emergency Junior Doctor and founder at Lumi
  • Kai Willbridge, Practice Manager at BHCC for the Whitehawk Family Hub

If you’re wondering how parents can support their teens, and how we can make sure that support is accessible to every young person that needs it, tune in to BBC Radio Sussex and Surrey, and BBC Sounds on Fridays at 7pm.

👋 Find out more about Raising Teens and listen to past episodes: Raising Teens.
👏 Raising Teens series 5 is supported by NHS Sussex.

Help and support: Access to services

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Is it November already? This month has flown by! It’s been a busy month and we have lots coming up in the run up to the Christmas break…

One million children experienced destitution in 2022

The Joseph Rowntree Foundation published their latest report on Destitution in the UK. It makes for sobering reading. A million children experienced destitution in 2022, around three times higher than in 2017. What kind of future is this promising our young people if they believe that those in power don’t care enough about them to keep them warm, dry and fed today? They have produced an interactive map of destitution. Local to us, Brighton & Hove has a high destitution rank of four (five is highest). 

We support JRF’s recommendations of “a bold and ambitious programme of action to address destitution and its corrosive impacts” and their call for the government to increase financial support to “ensure everyone has a protected minimum amount of support”. 

Get out in nature for free!

🌿 We spotted the news that the RSPB is opening up its reserves free to 16-24-year-olds from 6 November in order to encourage more young people to connect with nature. We love this – we’ve long advocated for young people to get outside for their mental health. 

Raising Teens explores mental health issues affecting young people

We’ve just finished recording our fifth series of Raising Teens. It’ll be broadcast on BBC Sounds and BBC Radio Sussex and Surrey in the new year. It’s another fascinating series covering access to mental health services, trauma, eating disorders, the transition from teen to adult, mental health and neurodiversity, and support in schools. In each episode, presenter Clare Cowan hosts a panel of experts listening to young people talking about their experiences. It’s packed with insights, advice and information about where to get support. We’d like to add a huge thank you to all the professionals and young people who gave their time, along with the brilliant team at BBC Radio Sussex and Surrey. And to the team at NHS Sussex for supporting it. We can’t wait for you to hear it!

If you missed any of our previous Raising Teens series, you can find all the links here.  

Our Daisy at the Brighton Summit

Daisy was invited to be MC at this year’s Brighton Summit. I was a very proud sister, seeing her up on stage entertaining the audience and keeping the show on the road. Daisy has written a blog post about her experience, so treat yourself to her round up here. It was an amazing event and as always a great place to make new connections. We’ll be back next year – as will Daisy as MC!

Coming up…

The Catalyst programme is running new creative workshops in November and January. If your young person fancies making a punk protest banner, step this way! The Catalyst gives young people the opportunity to work with creative artists and sign up for a mentor who will offer career and wellbeing support and advice. We’ve had some amazing feedback from previous participants describing how they feel more confident and have made new friends after attending Catalyst workshops.

We’re running a Christmas Holiday Club in December with the amazing folk at Dragon Drama and the South Downs National Park. The club is for young people in receipt of free school meals – and is free. All the details and link to sign up are here. 

Au revoir Lola!

Our big news is that our amazing Lola Ray is leaving us in November (that’s Lola at the top of the page) and heading to Australia. Among Lola’s many roles at Make (Good) Trouble, are young reporter for our BBC radio show, Raising Teens, and Most Significant Change story collector for The Catalyst project. We’re excited to see how she gets on in her next adventure. Lola will always be one of our Trouble-Makers, and we hope that she’ll be able to work remotely for us on new projects. Our aim at Make (Good) Trouble has always been to provide a springboard for young people to jump into their future armed with new skills and resilience. Good luck Lola!

That’s all for this issue. If you have any suggestions or news you think we should include in next month’s round up, please comment below or get in touch. 

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First up, apologies for the missing August round up. Holidays got in the way! The good news is that we’re back and have a bumper issue for you covering the news over the last few weeks! So grab a cuppa and dive in…

In this month’s post:

  • Teen wellbeing is still declining, with the cost of living crisis and post pandemic fall-out likely to blame. 
  • School absences are on the rise – perhaps it’s time to listen to young people?
  • Being human – why we’re really looking forward to the Brighton Summit

How are our teens?

We’ve spent the last couple of weeks talking to young people for our upcoming series of Raising Teens (broadcast on BBC Radio Sussex and Surrey this autumn). Every conversation we have with a young person gives us a better understanding of their needs and issues. It means we can work together to find ways to help. We’ll have more details in next month’s post.

As I was putting the finishing touches to this post, the Education Secretary announced that they’re planning to ban mobile phones in schools in England. They say it’s to address behavioural and mental health concerns. Much of the news about children and young people in the last couple of months has centred around a drop in happiness and wellbeing. The effects of the pandemic and cost of living crisis has been huge. The BBC published a poll last month that highlighted many of their concerns. It made for fascinating reading. 44% of girls and 24% of boys said they feel unsafe on the streets, over a quarter said they feel anxious most or all of the time – exams, school and peer pressure were the top 3 reasons. On the plus side, 66% said they felt positive about the future. 

We covered some of these issues in previous episodes of Raising Teens – and young people and professionals shared some great advice. Listen here: Raising Teens: Personal safety and Raising Teens: Anxiety.

School absences are on the rise

There were plenty of news articles about the rise in persistent school absences. 

“22.5% of pupils were recorded as ‘persistently absent’ (defined by the Department for Education as missing 10% or more of possible school sessions). This equates to around 1.6 million pupils.” (House of Commons Research Briefing, 29 September 2023) 

When looking for reasons why, some point to a change in parental attitudes since the pandemic. Schools Week reported today that there’s been a rise in home schooled children that perhaps points to disaffection with the school system. Whatever the reason, many families are struggling to cope and it’s hitting the poorest hardest – “37.2% of free school meal eligible pupils were persistently absent compared with 17.5% of pupils that were not eligible” – with a knock-on effect of lower attainment for those absent pupils. A recent IPPR paper looked at the need for wholesale changes in education to make it fit for 21st Century needs. In particular, they argue that a shift is needed in our school system – one that moves from “a system that disempowers young people” to one that “gives young people voice and agency.” We agree that it’s time to listen to young people. Their feedback is vital to inform the future of education. 

If you’re worried about your child’s school attendance and need help, take a look at Not Fine in School. It’s a great resource for parents and carers worried about their children’s school attendance. It was set up by parents who have experienced these issues. 

Human: Looking forward to the Brighton Summit

It’s been 5 years since we started Make (Good) Trouble (five years! Time flies). It started from an idea Daisy (my sister and co-founder of MGT) put to an audience at The Brighton Summit. We had an overwhelming response. Five years on, and we’re back at the Summit with Daisy as MC! It’s a great event and we’re really excited about this year’s theme: Human. The focus is on human resilience, courage and kindness, on human centred businesses. This is at the heart of MGT, building human connections between young people and parents, carers, families and the professionals who are trusted with their care. We’ll cover some of the debates, issues and ideas in next month’s round up.

Help and advice

We’ve been adding to our Help & Advice pages over the summer, so if you need somewhere or someone to turn to, take a look. The pages are full of great resources and organisations, many of whom we’ve worked with over the past 5 years. If you have any great resources you think we should add, let us know.

Till next month! Keep well. x

P.S. The image at the top of this page is from our August summer club – participants had been helping with pruning and conservation in the South Downs National Park. The SDNP team, MGT and participants showing the fruits of their labour. ♥️