Mental Health

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Parenting teenagers can feel like you’re constantly firefighting – school anxiety, exam stress, messy bedrooms, emotional blow-ups – we want to say this clearly:

You’re not failing. This stage really is tough.

At Make (Good) Trouble, one thing we hear again and again from parents is:
“I don’t know what’s normal anymore, and I don’t know if I’m handling this right.”

You’re not alone in that feeling.

In this Q&A, Daisy Cresswell spoke with psychotherapist Donna Peters-Lamb about young people’s mental health, parenting teenagers – and what genuinely helps families day to day. Here are the most useful takeaways

When school feels like too much

For many families, anxiety shows up as the Monday morning battle – tears, shutdown, refusal, or a child who simply can’t get out of the door.

One reassuring truth: anxiety rarely comes out of nowhere. It builds quietly over time and is often a response to feeling overwhelmed or unsafe.

What helps (without making it worse)

Get curious, not alarmed
Instead of focusing only on “school is the problem”, try gently exploring:

  • When did this start?
  • What feels hardest?
  • When does school feel even a little bit easier?

Sometimes the clue to moving forward is hidden in the detail.

Bring school in early
You don’t need to wait for things to fall apart. A discreet conversation with a tutor or Head of Year can help you understand what’s really going on – friendships, learning pressure, or moments where your child is coping better than you realise.

Prepare before pressure hits
Anxious brains hate uncertainty. Simple preparation can make a big difference:

  • Pack school bags on Friday
  • Check homework earlier in the weekend
  • Talk through the week ahead

Less last-minute stress = calmer mornings.

Tools that actually calm anxiety

Anxiety lives in the body, not just in thoughts. These tools help switch off the stress response – and teenagers (and parents) can use them anywhere.

Breathing (simple and invisible)

  • 3–4–5 breathing: in for 3, hold for 4, out for 5
  • Or any breathing where the out-breath is longer than the in-breath

This tells the nervous system it’s safe to calm down.

Grounding

Encourage your teen to:

  • Feel their feet flat on the floor
  • Notice colours, sounds, or objects around them
  • Focus attention outward instead of inward

These techniques are subtle, practical, and effective anywhere – in classrooms, 

“They don’t listen to me”: Mess, conflict and power struggles

If you’re endlessly asking for dirty washing, mugs and plates from their room – and getting nowhere – you’re not alone.

A helpful reframe: this is rarely about disrespect. Teenagers genuinely don’t notice mess in the way adults do.

What helps families move forward

Say it once – properly
Instead of repeatedly asking the same question over and over again, have one calm conversation about:

  • What matters to you
  • What you expect
  • What will happen if it doesn’t change

Start small
Ask for one thing at a time:

  • This week: dirty clothes in the basket
  • Next step: cups and bowls returned

Small steps are more achievable – and more likely to stick.

Consequences, not punishments
Be clear and upfront:

“If this doesn’t happen, this is what will follow. I don’t want that – but it’s your choice.”

This removes power struggles and reduces emotional blow-ups.

Exam stress and the harsh inner critic

Even when exams are over, many young people stay stuck in worry – replaying papers and assuming the worst.

Psychotherapist Donna Peters-Lamb shared a powerful idea from psychologist Martin Seligman, known as the Three Ps.

When stressed, young people often make worries:

  • Personal: “This proves I’m a failure”
  • Pervasive: “I mess everything up”
  • Permanent: “I’ll always be like this”

📚 Read this: Learned Optimism: How to change your mind and your life by Martin Seligman

How parents can help

Rather than jumping in with “You’ll be fine”, try gently challenging certainty:

  • “You don’t actually know that yet.”
  • “That’s a thought, not a fact.”
  • “Even if this didn’t go how you hoped, there are other paths.”

This isn’t fake positivity. It’s helping young people build flexible thinking – a key life skill.

A few things to remember about parenting teenagers

  • Teen brains are still under construction
  • Behaviour is often communication
  • Anxiety needs calming, not fixing
  • Routines, sleep and connection matter more than lectures
  • Your stress level affects your child more than you realise

And most importantly:

Be kind to yourself.
Parenting teenagers is one of the hardest, most emotionally demanding jobs there is – and you don’t have to do it perfectly to do it well.

At Make Good Trouble, we exist to support parents and carers too. You don’t have to hold all of this on your own.

Want support that feels human?

If this resonates, you might find it helpful to:

  • Sign up for our Raising Teens workshop pilot
  • Follow us for practical tools and honest conversations
  • Share this post with another parent who might need it

💛 You’re not alone. And you’re doing better than you think.

Huge thanks to Donna for her time and invaluable advice. You can find out more about her work at Make Sense Psychotherapy. This programme was supported by the Sussex Care Partnership, Brighton & Hove City Council.

Watch the whole conversation here:

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The mental health crisis in young people is escalating, and in this episode of Raising Teens we look at what mental health support is available in schools. Long-term, children and young people who struggle with their mental health are more likely to have poorer physical health and economic outcomes than their peers.

We hear from young people about their experiences of mental health support in school:

  • “For me, going to see a counsellor, it felt really welcoming and it didn’t feel like I was aiming to completely fix my emotions. It felt like I was understanding them better, which I hadn’t realised I needed to do… I feel like I just understand emotions a bit more. I understand how I work, how I think, which I think is really helpful to anything else that I might experience in the future.”
  • “I had two teachers that I was really close with and I’m still close with now. I felt comfortable with them, but they weren’t the pastoral team. They weren’t people that were trained in a way to help me cope with my mental health issues. Comfortability-wise, the pastoral team weren’t people who I could really see myself going up to and asking for help.”

We discuss how schools can help to improve the outlook for our young people, what help children are entitled to and whether schools are equipped to provide that support and help prevent the need for clinical treatment. It’s not known how many children are educated at home, but in  a report this week from Schools Week, it’s estimated that there has been a rise of 60% since the pandemic. What support can home-schooled young people expect?

🎧 Listen to Raising Teens: Support in Schools on BBC Sounds.

Our expert guests for episode 6 are:

If you’re wondering how parents can support their teens, and how we can make sure that support is accessible to every young person that needs it, tune in to BBC Radio Sussex and Surrey, and BBC Sounds on Fridays at 7pm or catch up any time on BBC Sounds. 

👉 Find out more about Raising Teens and listen to past episodes: Raising Teens.

👏 Raising Teens series 5 is supported by NHS Sussex.

Help and support:

If you/your child needs help, their first port of call should be your school’s pastoral team. Outside of school, the following services might be helpful.

e-wellbeing, Parent and young people Mental Health Support

YMCA Dialogue Counselling Services, accredited by The British Association of Counselling & Psychotherapy.

AudioActive, non-profit organisation based in Brighton and across Sussex offering free drop-in sessions and workshops for young people based around music.
AudioActive also offer: 

  • Shift programme in schools
  • Room to Rant – “a space for young men to rap and get stuff off their chest”,
  • Vocalise – “a weekly drop in where all young women and gender variant individuals can put life experiences into music in a safe space”.

YMCA DownsLink Group offering mental health services and counselling for children, young people and families in Sussex.

Brighton & Hove Wellbeing Service, a free NHS service for anyone aged 4 years old and upwards with a postcode beginning BN1, BN2, BN3 or BN41. You can make a self-referral using this link. 

Not Fine In School, an organisation run by parents, “who have experienced school attendance barriers”. Their website has a ton of useful resources and information. They also host closed Facebook groups for families, professionals and school teachers.

Place 2 Be works with schools to support children’s and young people’s mental health. They have useful information for parents.

Young Minds offers help with:
Problems at School

The Student Room, community forum for advice and support for school, college and university students.

Kooth, a mental wellbeing community for young people to find online support and counselling

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It’s estimated that 15-20% of children and young people in the UK are neurodivergent (National Statistics, 2023). That means they have differences in how their brain functions to what is considered ‘typical’. Neurodivergent conditions include ADHD and Autism. This episode of Raising Teens looks at the experiences of neurodivergent young people and how families can support their children so they can develop and thrive. We also look at what role getting a diagnosis plays in that. 

Whilst neurodiversity isn’t a mental health condition, many children and young people experience challenges with their mental health. They face social pressures to behave ‘appropriately’ – or like their neurotypical peers – at school, in friendship groups, and communities. Coping strategies can take a huge toll on their emotional wellbeing. 

🎧 Listen to Raising Teens: Neurodiversity BBC Sounds.

Our expert guests for episode 5 are:

  • Hamish Gale – Senior Manager of Specialist Teaching Services ESCC
  • Dr Tracey Atkins – Specialist Educational Psychologist for East Sussex County Council.
  • Sav Kanagasundaram – NDP Family Training & Navigation Service Manager at Amaze Sussex.

If you’re wondering how parents can support their teens, and how we can make sure that support is accessible to every young person that needs it, tune in to BBC Radio Sussex and Surrey, and BBC Sounds on Fridays at 7pm or catch up any time on BBC Sounds.

👉 Find out more about Raising Teens and listen to past episodes: Raising Teens.

👏 Raising Teens series 5 is supported by NHS Sussex.

Help and support:

Young Minds – information about autism and mental health, and ADHD and mental health – including advice on looking after your mental health, supporting a friend and stories from other young people with autism and Attention Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).

Amaze Sussex – SEN and disability support and services in Sussex. Amaze works with families that include a child or young person with special educational needs or disabilities (SEND) across Sussex. They work with parent carers and with children and young people with SEND.

Ambitious About Autism – an online platform for autistic young people aged 16-25 with plenty of great information and support – including advice on support in school, work experience opportunities, education, training and personal stories.

National Autistic Society – the UK’s leading charity for people on the autism spectrum and their families. Includes an online forum where you can discuss your issues and queries. 

The Autism Education Trust has some great Resources for young people.

ADHD Foundation: Worth a look at their tips to help your teen with ADHD

NHS information about treatment for Attention Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)

The Sunflower scheme supports people living with non-visible disabilities in their communities. The sunflower is an international symbol of hidden disability which you can use, for example, when travelling. If an official sees someone wearing the sunflower lanyard, they will know that they might need to differentiate their approach or communications with someone.

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Our latest episode of BBC Raising Teens focuses on the journey from teen to adult, which is complex and can be hard to navigate without support and guidance. The teenage brain, changes in hormones, and upheavals in a teens’ personal life can be overwhelming, confusing and challenging. Pressures on young people are increasing as they move to adulthood. 

Almost half of teens have lowered expectations for their future because of the rising cost of living, according to the latest Prince’s Trust Youth Index. In this episode of Raising Teens, we look into how we can support young people to make positive decisions about their future and best prepare to navigate the challenges of life.

🎧 Listen to Raising Teens: From teen to adult on BBC Sounds.

Our guests for episode 4 are:

  • Jenny Warwick – qualified counsellor, specialises in supporting and guiding parents and carers of tweens and teens.
  • Dr Rick Fraser – Consultant Psychiatrist accredited as a specialist in both CAMHS and General Adult Psychiatry
  • Helen Baxter – Hangleton & Knoll Project Youth Worker Manager

If you’re wondering how parents can support their teens, and how we can make sure that support is accessible to every young person that needs it, tune in to BBC Radio Sussex and Surrey, and BBC Sounds on Fridays at 7pm or catch up any time on BBC Sounds. 

This episode was first broadcast on Friday 26 January 2024 on BBC Sussex and BBC Surrey.

👉 Find out more about Raising Teens and listen to past episodes: Raising Teens.

👏 Raising Teens series 5 is supported by NHS Sussex.

Help and support:

Young Minds: Mental health charity with lots of great resources and information on mental health for young people and parents. 

Sussex CAMHS: Resources-for-families-carers-and-professionals.

www.e-wellbeing.co.uk: a youth co-produced self-help and information website for children and young people. Families in West Sussex will find the digital referral form here to the single point of access.

Barnado’s: Support for care leavers

iRock: a place for 14-25 year-olds in Sussex to talk face-to-face, by text video call or live chat with a mental health professional.

Holding Space: offering family mental health and support in East Sussex.

Youth Advocacy Project – YAP: the advocacy service for children and young people in Brighton and Hove which offers in-person advocacy as well as phone/video call/email advocacy depending on your circumstances and preferences.

Jenny Warwick’s counselling service: Talk to Jenny Counselling for parents of early adolescents and teens.