Anxiety

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Parenting teenagers can feel like you’re constantly firefighting – school anxiety, exam stress, messy bedrooms, emotional blow-ups – we want to say this clearly:

You’re not failing. This stage really is tough.

At Make (Good) Trouble, one thing we hear again and again from parents is:
“I don’t know what’s normal anymore, and I don’t know if I’m handling this right.”

You’re not alone in that feeling.

In this Q&A, Daisy Cresswell spoke with psychotherapist Donna Peters-Lamb about young people’s mental health, parenting teenagers – and what genuinely helps families day to day. Here are the most useful takeaways

When school feels like too much

For many families, anxiety shows up as the Monday morning battle – tears, shutdown, refusal, or a child who simply can’t get out of the door.

One reassuring truth: anxiety rarely comes out of nowhere. It builds quietly over time and is often a response to feeling overwhelmed or unsafe.

What helps (without making it worse)

Get curious, not alarmed
Instead of focusing only on “school is the problem”, try gently exploring:

  • When did this start?
  • What feels hardest?
  • When does school feel even a little bit easier?

Sometimes the clue to moving forward is hidden in the detail.

Bring school in early
You don’t need to wait for things to fall apart. A discreet conversation with a tutor or Head of Year can help you understand what’s really going on – friendships, learning pressure, or moments where your child is coping better than you realise.

Prepare before pressure hits
Anxious brains hate uncertainty. Simple preparation can make a big difference:

  • Pack school bags on Friday
  • Check homework earlier in the weekend
  • Talk through the week ahead

Less last-minute stress = calmer mornings.

Tools that actually calm anxiety

Anxiety lives in the body, not just in thoughts. These tools help switch off the stress response – and teenagers (and parents) can use them anywhere.

Breathing (simple and invisible)

  • 3–4–5 breathing: in for 3, hold for 4, out for 5
  • Or any breathing where the out-breath is longer than the in-breath

This tells the nervous system it’s safe to calm down.

Grounding

Encourage your teen to:

  • Feel their feet flat on the floor
  • Notice colours, sounds, or objects around them
  • Focus attention outward instead of inward

These techniques are subtle, practical, and effective anywhere – in classrooms, 

“They don’t listen to me”: Mess, conflict and power struggles

If you’re endlessly asking for dirty washing, mugs and plates from their room – and getting nowhere – you’re not alone.

A helpful reframe: this is rarely about disrespect. Teenagers genuinely don’t notice mess in the way adults do.

What helps families move forward

Say it once – properly
Instead of repeatedly asking the same question over and over again, have one calm conversation about:

  • What matters to you
  • What you expect
  • What will happen if it doesn’t change

Start small
Ask for one thing at a time:

  • This week: dirty clothes in the basket
  • Next step: cups and bowls returned

Small steps are more achievable – and more likely to stick.

Consequences, not punishments
Be clear and upfront:

“If this doesn’t happen, this is what will follow. I don’t want that – but it’s your choice.”

This removes power struggles and reduces emotional blow-ups.

Exam stress and the harsh inner critic

Even when exams are over, many young people stay stuck in worry – replaying papers and assuming the worst.

Psychotherapist Donna Peters-Lamb shared a powerful idea from psychologist Martin Seligman, known as the Three Ps.

When stressed, young people often make worries:

  • Personal: “This proves I’m a failure”
  • Pervasive: “I mess everything up”
  • Permanent: “I’ll always be like this”

📚 Read this: Learned Optimism: How to change your mind and your life by Martin Seligman

How parents can help

Rather than jumping in with “You’ll be fine”, try gently challenging certainty:

  • “You don’t actually know that yet.”
  • “That’s a thought, not a fact.”
  • “Even if this didn’t go how you hoped, there are other paths.”

This isn’t fake positivity. It’s helping young people build flexible thinking – a key life skill.

A few things to remember about parenting teenagers

  • Teen brains are still under construction
  • Behaviour is often communication
  • Anxiety needs calming, not fixing
  • Routines, sleep and connection matter more than lectures
  • Your stress level affects your child more than you realise

And most importantly:

Be kind to yourself.
Parenting teenagers is one of the hardest, most emotionally demanding jobs there is – and you don’t have to do it perfectly to do it well.

At Make Good Trouble, we exist to support parents and carers too. You don’t have to hold all of this on your own.

Want support that feels human?

If this resonates, you might find it helpful to:

  • Sign up for our Raising Teens workshop pilot
  • Follow us for practical tools and honest conversations
  • Share this post with another parent who might need it

💛 You’re not alone. And you’re doing better than you think.

Huge thanks to Donna for her time and invaluable advice. You can find out more about her work at Make Sense Psychotherapy. This programme was supported by the Sussex Care Partnership, Brighton & Hove City Council.

Watch the whole conversation here:

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First up, apologies for the missing August round up. Holidays got in the way! The good news is that we’re back and have a bumper issue for you covering the news over the last few weeks! So grab a cuppa and dive in…

In this month’s post:

  • Teen wellbeing is still declining, with the cost of living crisis and post pandemic fall-out likely to blame. 
  • School absences are on the rise – perhaps it’s time to listen to young people?
  • Being human – why we’re really looking forward to the Brighton Summit

How are our teens?

We’ve spent the last couple of weeks talking to young people for our upcoming series of Raising Teens (broadcast on BBC Radio Sussex and Surrey this autumn). Every conversation we have with a young person gives us a better understanding of their needs and issues. It means we can work together to find ways to help. We’ll have more details in next month’s post.

As I was putting the finishing touches to this post, the Education Secretary announced that they’re planning to ban mobile phones in schools in England. They say it’s to address behavioural and mental health concerns. Much of the news about children and young people in the last couple of months has centred around a drop in happiness and wellbeing. The effects of the pandemic and cost of living crisis has been huge. The BBC published a poll last month that highlighted many of their concerns. It made for fascinating reading. 44% of girls and 24% of boys said they feel unsafe on the streets, over a quarter said they feel anxious most or all of the time – exams, school and peer pressure were the top 3 reasons. On the plus side, 66% said they felt positive about the future. 

We covered some of these issues in previous episodes of Raising Teens – and young people and professionals shared some great advice. Listen here: Raising Teens: Personal safety and Raising Teens: Anxiety.

School absences are on the rise

There were plenty of news articles about the rise in persistent school absences. 

“22.5% of pupils were recorded as ‘persistently absent’ (defined by the Department for Education as missing 10% or more of possible school sessions). This equates to around 1.6 million pupils.” (House of Commons Research Briefing, 29 September 2023) 

When looking for reasons why, some point to a change in parental attitudes since the pandemic. Schools Week reported today that there’s been a rise in home schooled children that perhaps points to disaffection with the school system. Whatever the reason, many families are struggling to cope and it’s hitting the poorest hardest – “37.2% of free school meal eligible pupils were persistently absent compared with 17.5% of pupils that were not eligible” – with a knock-on effect of lower attainment for those absent pupils. A recent IPPR paper looked at the need for wholesale changes in education to make it fit for 21st Century needs. In particular, they argue that a shift is needed in our school system – one that moves from “a system that disempowers young people” to one that “gives young people voice and agency.” We agree that it’s time to listen to young people. Their feedback is vital to inform the future of education. 

If you’re worried about your child’s school attendance and need help, take a look at Not Fine in School. It’s a great resource for parents and carers worried about their children’s school attendance. It was set up by parents who have experienced these issues. 

Human: Looking forward to the Brighton Summit

It’s been 5 years since we started Make (Good) Trouble (five years! Time flies). It started from an idea Daisy (my sister and co-founder of MGT) put to an audience at The Brighton Summit. We had an overwhelming response. Five years on, and we’re back at the Summit with Daisy as MC! It’s a great event and we’re really excited about this year’s theme: Human. The focus is on human resilience, courage and kindness, on human centred businesses. This is at the heart of MGT, building human connections between young people and parents, carers, families and the professionals who are trusted with their care. We’ll cover some of the debates, issues and ideas in next month’s round up.

Help and advice

We’ve been adding to our Help & Advice pages over the summer, so if you need somewhere or someone to turn to, take a look. The pages are full of great resources and organisations, many of whom we’ve worked with over the past 5 years. If you have any great resources you think we should add, let us know.

Till next month! Keep well. x

P.S. The image at the top of this page is from our August summer club – participants had been helping with pruning and conservation in the South Downs National Park. The SDNP team, MGT and participants showing the fruits of their labour. ♥️

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Is it July already? I suspect you’re making plans for the summer holidays (we’re almost booked up for our summer club in the glorious South Downs National Park, but there is a waiting list if your young person is interested). If you’re in Hastings and aged between 16 and 24, we’re running a 2-day Catalyst workshop exploring identity with the brilliant photographic artist, Lindsey Smith. You can see some examples of the amazing work so far from participants on The Catalyst project in our Catalyst Gallery. (The above image is from our recent graffiti workshop in Bexhill with Priority 1-54.)

Is vaping on the increase?

Whilst smoking seems to be less popular among today’s young people, anecdotal evidence says that vaping is on the increase. Some estimates say up to 15% of young people are vaping. 

If your teen wants help to quit vaping, we have some useful resources on our Help pages aimed at young people.

We’re behind calls for a ban on disposable vapes – never mind that their designs seem to appeal to children, but they’re almost impossible to recycle and are more likely to end up in the general waste (where they’re a hazard). In the UK, 1.3 million vapes are thrown away every week. 

School absence figures are stubbornly high

Increasing absences from school have hit the headlines with parents reporting feeling isolated. It’s estimated that 1 in 10 GCSE pupils in England are absent from school each day. It’s perhaps understandable that post-pandemic, children are still anxious about school and that parents working from home feel less pressure to encourage a sickly child to go in to school.

We’ve pulled together the best of the advice out there for our Help page on the topic. 

I read this heartfelt letter from a parent and the brilliant response from psychotherapist Philippa Perry in The Guardian. She says, “what seems to be happening in the UK educational system is that the individual pupil is seen as the whole problem rather than acknowledging that the school environment and unhelpful government policies around targets are a part of this, too”.

Raising Teens

Lastly, we’re about to embark on a brand-new series of our BBC radio show, Raising Teens – which will be our fifth series! We’ll be looking at issues around how young people access mental health and wellbeing services, what help is available for children with complex needs, eating disorders, and the journey to getting a diagnosis for ADHD and Autism Spectrum Disorder. 

We’re looking for young people, parents, and professionals to talk to, so if you’re interested, please get in touch.  

You can listen to past episodes via this link. They cover everything from the teenage brain and anxiety to county lines, stress and resilience. They’re full of practical tips from some brilliant professionals, parents and teens.

Keep in touch!

That’s all for this issue. If you have any suggestions or news you think we should include in next month’s round up, please comment below or get in touch. 

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Hello! We hope you had a great Easter! 

Each month, we look at the issues affecting young people that make the news, with an emphasis on making good – so we add practical tips and advice for young people and families. 

In this month’s post:

  • A round up of the latest reports showing that the mental health crisis in young people is growing – and where to get help.
  • The cost-of-living crisis is stopping young people going out, causing greater loneliness – we’ve some great resources to help.
  • Why getting out into nature is great for our mental health.
  • We’ve rewarded young people for their amazing work on The Catalyst programme.
  • And lastly, listen to MGT co-founder, Daisy Cresswell, on the EdTech podcast, focusing on how tech can be used to promote diversity, inclusivity and equality in education.

Mental health crisis – latest reports

This month, mental health is making the headlines. The charity Mind released new research which reveals that “young adults are struggling with their mental health with 95 per cent feeling anxious in the last 12 months and over a fifth (21 per cent) experiencing these feelings all the time.” This comes hot on the heels of a report by The House magazine that 1 in 3 young people referred to the NHS for mental health issues are being denied help. 

The report has “uncovered a postcode lottery in child and adolescent mental health care, with some desperate young people waiting up to four years for help.” It also stated: “We hear about parents sleeping on their children’s floors to keep them safe, children out of education for months and years while they wait for help.”

Our Help & Advice pages have some great sources of advice and support on topics such as anxiety and eating disorders, and self-harm. If there’s a subject you think we should add here, please let us know!

Universities should have a statutory duty of care 

We wanted to give a shout out to Ben West, who lost his brother to suicide and has been campaigning for the government to legislate that Universities have a duty of care towards their students. On Tuesday, he gave a speech in parliament to call for “clarity, parity and accountability. In other words, for the government to say “this is what needs to happen, this is the same legal standard across the sector and it is a statutory requirement to provide this minimum standard of support.”

You can listen to his powerful speech on his Instagram account.

And check out his brilliant book: This Book Could Save Your Life: Breaking the silence around the mental heath emergency.

Combating loneliness 

UK Youth’s latest poll reveals that 36% of young people say they feel lonelier because they’re staying in to save money, curbing their social life. We looked into the effects of loneliness on young people during the pandemic. If you’re worried about someone close to you, check out these resources: 

Getting out into nature for free

We know that getting out into nature is a great way to help preventative mental ill health, helping to reduce loneliness and anxiety. (Read our blog post: Proving that nature is a real boost to young people’s mental health.)

This Easter, we took young people out to the South Downs National Park for our holiday club. It’s part of the ESCC Holiday Activities and Food programme which offers free activities to young people in receipt of benefits-related free school meals. We spent four days outside in the gorgeous South Downs National Park (SDNP) – if you follow us on social media, you’ll have seen us on wildlife walks, beach combing, litter picking (so much plastic on our beaches!) and learning about conservation. We’ll be back with another club in the summer, so watch this space. Big thanks to Dragon Drama and the SDNP team who ran our workshops for the club.

We were chuffed to get this feedback from a parent, which illustrates the benefits perfectly:

“I would love this to be a permanent thing. Getting kids outside, getting them active, muddy, rolling round, running about, is so good for them. Then of course they were ravenous, and it was great that there was varied, healthy food. Best holiday club ever!”

Rewarding young people

We’ve awarded 17 Digital Badges this month to participants of The Catalyst programme. That means, to-date, we have awarded 119 badges to young people who’ve taken part in our projects and programmes. This badging scheme is led by Real Ideas and Future Creators, and badges are issued by Badge Nation. written using the Cities of learning badging standard, endorsed by City and Guilds and the RSA.

After last month’s Catalyst graffiti workshops, we wanted to say a big thanks to Brewers who supported the project by supplying surplus paint, paint brushes, and a discount on exterior paint. They also featured the brilliant artwork the young participants produced in a blog post on the Brewers website.

Making EdTech more inclusive

Lastly, our co-founder, Daisy Cresswell, featured on the latest edition of The EdTech Podcast: Making EdTech more inclusive to discuss our work with Soundwaves Foundation, a charity that supports deaf children and young adults. We are working together to look into how we can help all young people learn better in the classroom.

That’s all for April. See you next month!

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